by My Underwood Typewriter http://jdgroover.wordpress.com/
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole’s name.
3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
5. Bonus: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman’s husband.