hi there,

Today, I was just reminiscing of the times I used to work as a counselor/psychologist at Nairobi Women’s Hospital (This is in Kenya, for all my followers who might not know)  and the client cases I used to deal with: like rape, domestic violence, family crisis, HIV testing & revealing of status…  (the cases I dealt with most were rape and domestic violence)

The first week of my job, I was overwhelmed by the number of rape cases that I dealt with and to make it worse the victims were between age 3-16 I mean just pure babies (this was just the first week!!) as the weeks went on I thought that maybe the number of rape victims would go down, but it didn’t and everyday I was counseling kids who had just been raped and I was the one telling them that “everything will be fine” (the age span grew from age 3-30)

I became so scared and overwhelmed such that every man became a rapist in my eyes and I just couldn’t handle it … Thank God for my dad and supervisor who were there to let me know that every man is different that doesn’t mean that you should put your guard down or go round trusting every body, I should still remain cautious, be careful of my surroundings & I will be ok.  I started to slowly get over my fear and was able to focus on my clients.

So today I was relaxing, chilling with the hubby “feeling on each other” 😉 and (this is a weird thought to have while hubby is trying to make me “happy”)  I started thinking the girls I was dealing with, the clients/rape victims might never enjoy what I was enjoying.

At such a young age their virginity was taken away, (I had a 8yr old girl who couldn’t let her dad touch her anymore after she was raped by the houseboy.) How will this girl interact with boys once she grows up, will she ever enjoy sex, will she ever have sex???

It’s so difficult for me to think of what they will go through and if they will ever live a “normal” life.

I also would like to understand and get into the minds of the rapists, and for me 90% of my clients were raped by people they knew , like the neighbor, uncle, houseboy, babysitter, brother-in-law,teacher,school bus driver, step-dad, I had a three year old raped by her FATHER!!!... I mean I would like to get into the mind of this dad, and understand how the looks at his THREE year old daughter, picks her up and put his adult 7-8-9 inch penis into his daughters vagina, HOW???? I really seriously need to understand how someone can do that.

I think of when I have a daughter, I know the people around me pretty well and I know they wouldn’t harm her, but then so did the mothers of the victims. The mum knew the dad, they made a baby girl, the dad ended up raping the baby girl. Now how do I trust anyone around me, as much as people are different, it just makes me scared of having a girl…

I think I should end this before I get too depressed.

Please everyone, be cautious of your surroundings, stay safe

Love, Cookie


3 thoughts on “IN THE MIND OF A RAPIST

  1. Oooh girl, this was too much for me to read. I have a 3 year old daughter and I would be absolutely devastated. So many things are happening in the world….people shooting in elementary schools, people being held hostages in malls, bombs going off, and even natural disasters. The only thing I know to do is pray. Pray for my husband before he leaves for work. Pray for my daughter as I drop her off at school. Cover us in prayer at night before we lay our heads down to sleep. That’s all I can do.

    • Sometimes even with prayer I wonder why bad things happen especially to good people. lately we had a terror attack in my country and devastating. So many people died and now even going out is problem for me and a lot of other people, coz we are all scared. So even with prayer, I still am afraid of bad things happening…
      Thank you for reading.:-)

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