OK with being yourself

Lately I have been feeling depressed, exhausted and just simply done with life.

Most of the people that I finished school with are busy going about their lives, doing whatever they want and living it up, while I am always at home or in hospital trying to figure out a way to fix my spine. I hate it when people tell me they are going out  or they are doing something fun because I wanna do it too but I can’t and this makes me HATE myself coz I am not happy for my friends who don’t have to go through what I go through daily.

See I had this idea in my head of what a “normal” 21 yr old should be doing… that is: looking for work, partying, living it up e.t.c but I am a 21 yr old who stay’s at home in bed daily because of the pain in my back.

and because I wasn’t living up to the idea of what a “normal”21 yr old should be doing, I felt disappointed, guilty, depressed, angry, depressed. I wanted my boyfriend to cheat on me ( I know I’m crazy) so I can have an excuse to leave him, According to me I didn’t deserve to live, my body was betraying me, I wanted to be perfect and there I was not even close to it.

But after watching this video, http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html something clicked. Now I believed that I didn’t need to aim for this perfect idea of myself. Instead, I’ve come to accept the me with all my flaws because I’ve learnt that having flaws isn’t a bad thing.

I’m okay with being imperfect; I’m okay with me. The guilt I feel slowly has been lifting off of me, even though sometimes I go back to that depressed, unhappy, grumpy version of myself. Having things I don’t like about myself isn’t a reason to think the worst about me. Instead, I can accept I have things that aren’t great in my life or for my health and still say that I’m okay.

Think about it this way: we can be perfect and not loved or we can be imperfect but loved. All my life I’ve wanted perfection over love. Now I want love over perfection, I want the love of my hubby, my family and friends. So there’s no need to strive for perfection anymore.

I hope this helps all the people who think they need to be perfect, Let go of who you think you should be, and just be. Take that burden off your shoulders of who you think you should be. Just be. You don’t have to be anyone else than who you are.

4 thoughts on “OK with being yourself

  1. So, as I’m reading this blog post I’m scanning all of MY blog posts in my head thinking, “I know I have written something that will encourage her. I know I’ve written that will encourage her!” Haha. I haven’t thought of a particular one, yet. HOWEVER, I will respond with, “Me, too.”

    Me, too. I can remember several ages where other girls/women I knew were “living it up” and I wasn’t because I didn’t have the money, the clothes, a car, had a baby, was living paycheck to paycheck, etc. And, I’m not saying that’s anything compared to a physical pain in my body, but the feeling of “I wish I was doing…” is the same. And, you’re totally right. We have to accept where we are, our limitations and make the best of the life we have. I’m sure you’ve heard the serenity prayer “Change what you can and accept the things you can’t change.” Right now I’m working on all the things I have the power to change. And, I look in the mirror everyday and try to see the beauty in the things I can’t….

    Thanks for your words of encouragement!

    • You are so welcomed
      I’m glad I can help someone or encourage someone…. and also you helped me to know I am not alone, Although our circumstances are different, we still somehow went/go through the same thing.
      thank you 🙂

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